posted at 11:59 am
on Jan. 18, 2007
Kids Today, and What They Don’t Get
Wii Came, Wii Queued, Wii Consumed
Oh mighty Apple, Inc., I beseech thee! I need a sign, something to renew my faith in you. I, your humble and obedient buyer of shiny things, have been twice tested by your product’s failures. Last fall, it was the random shut down problem.
Then, today, I went to turn on your apostle, my MacBook, and it would not recognize the presence of the Holy Spirit in the form of its own battery. It ran via the power cord, but the battery was like unto a rock.
I took it to the local church, Mac Station, and the tech priest there asked to confess my sins. Had I, he asked, let the battery run down?
Yes, I cried, I had. Because I thought that’s what batteries were made to do—run down.
But apparently, my fault was letting my battery go completely dead, and thus I had insulted the Holy Spirit and the battery would charge never more. This hardly seems true—the battery worked fine on Monday, but it was dead today, and that’s hard to argue with. The Apple site really skirts over this.
My apostle is under blessed warranty still, so I can have another battery sent down from the heavens, but according to the Apple warranty replacement site (which the priest allowed me to gaze upon), Apple has NO 13-inch batteries in stock. Which is not what the Apple Store says—they say 24 hours, but that’s clearly not true.
So I had to purchase another battery, for a ridiculous $180, just so I could be assured of having the power of the Holy Spirit with me at all times. (I was going to make a burning bush joke here, but in light of the recent battery recall, I think that would be a little too heretical.)
Apple, I’m willing to be your disciple, but if your iPhone doesn’t turn out to be deus ex machina I’m going to be seriously tempted to renounce thee and turn to the devil—after all, he makes wonderful promises, too.
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