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I Have A Friend Who ...

We've all got 'em. Friends that we made in high school, in boring jobs, on a long bus trip -- people who are for goodness knows what reason inextricably tied to. In some cases, we even really _like_ these people, despite their ... quirks, shall we say.

If these examples remind you of anyone you know, please add your own anecdotes to the list using the form below and let me know, "I have a friend who ..."

  • ... brushes his teeth while he drives around in his car.

  • ... took a 7 week intensive course and built a complete, perfect mandolin, but has no idea how to play that instrument.

  • ... honestly thinks Josh Hartnett is the next Lawrence Olivier.

  • ... applied and was accepted to Clown College, but then decided to join the U.S. Reserves instead.

  • ... WILL NOT walk on cracks... Any cracks! ("I played basketball and I hated running on the painted lines...to the point where I clearly remember one b-ball game in high school where the coach asked me about a particular hop-step I had executed while dribbling the ball across half-court. This is particularly difficult while engaged in conversation ...especially with a senior surgeon who happens to notice that your cadence changes every three or four steps. i hope this stuff isn't hereditary. I'd hate to pass on these sick, twisted habits to my kids one day....")

  • ... has an older SUV and he drives around during the day with the headlights on so people will think he has the newer model that has daytime running headlights.

  • ... leaves his car running when he gets to work for 15-30 minutes while he goes inside because it's a Turbo and needs to cool down.

  • ... once reported to the police his car has been stolen, but he'd really just forgotten where he'd parked it.

  • ... left the dishes so long without washing them that his roommate found maggots living in the bacon grease of the frying pan.

  • ... wanted to be a mountaineer when he grew up, but ended up as a puppeteer.

  • ... pronounces "concierge" as "kwon-seerge," every time, despite repeated correction.

  • ... collected the spit of major league baseball players, and went on Jay Leno to show off his collection.

  • ... is so into Sony's Aibo that the license plate on his car reads "AIBO." Which can also be read: Ai! B.O.!

  • ... broke up with a man because he told her Lever 2000 was his favorite soap. She simply can't date a man who HAS a favorite soap.
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    Nep, I, too, have a friend who ...



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