I got a lovely present from my sister Nicole for Christmas. It was a cutting board with a semi-ovular depression in the middle, and a curved blade that fit nicely into the depression. It’s for mincing things.
I hadn’t used it yet—I was dousing it in mineral oil first. It’s hand crafted by the uncle of her current boyfriend. He makes these things himself, and they’re lovely and well-crafted.
However, in the course of putting mineral oil all over this thing, I got mineral oil on the blade. And tonight I was making broccoli, which would require chopping—just like that Saturday Night Live song by Dana Carvey that’s now going through my head (http://www.danacarvey.net/broccoli.wav).
So, as I was wiping mineral oil (slippery) off the blade (sharp), I cut my insert bad word finger tip on my right hand. It’s not a serious cut, but it was a clean, sharp pain, and it was the first time in a while I’ve done that.
More critically, it makes two things really difficult: typing and clicking the right mouse button.
Now, I’m sure some of you are protesting that I didn’t really cut myself on broccoli. But I’m not about to blame the wonderful present my sister gave me, or my own bumbling clumsiness. So the veggie takes the fall.
As punishment to the offending plant matter, I’ve sworn off broccoli for the next month. Ah, sweet vengeance.
“Almost every American I know does trade large portions of his life for entertainment, hour by weeknight hour, binge by Saturday binge, Facebook check by Facebook check. I’m one of them. In the course of writing this I’ve watched all 13 episodes of House of Cards and who knows how many more West Wing episodes, and I’ve spent any number of blurred hours falling down internet rabbit holes. All instead of reading, or writing, or working, or spending real time with people I love.”
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
You can scroll right easily by holding down the SHIFT key and using your scroll wheel. (Firefox users trying this will end up jumping to old Web pages until a) Firefox releases a fix, b) they change their settings like so.)