Susie in th' Market wi' Diamonds
posted at 5:54 pm
on Oct. 26, 2003
Prrrevious entry:
A New Beginning
'nother entry:
ChristmasGiving
Did I e'er be tellin' ye about th' time Susie and I went shoppin' fer an engagement rin'?
I be about 23, Susie be 22. We looked like our combined age be about 30.
We be IN LOVE, and thus perhaps not th' clearest thinkers in th' world. We be tryin' t' convince ourselves and those aroun' us that we be responsible and mature enough t' be knowin' what th' hell we be doin' gettin' married.
Well, until that point, there had been only two places either o' us had gone t' make major purchases: Costco, and th' market.
Even t' us, it be obvious that buyin' an engagement rin' at a warehouse store be not wise, and besides, everyone always ends up leavin' Costco wi' a gross o' macaroni dinners and two pounds o' beef jerky, and a stomach ache from eatin' too much o' their cheap pizza. OK, fine, I weigh anchor Costco that way, but that’s all irrelevant, because we decided th' best place t' buy diamonds be th' Galleria Market in Glendale, CA.
Th' Galleria had a number o' advantages. It be broadside. It had good parkin', and a number o' jewelry stores, so we could compare prices and pretend t' be “savvy diamond buyers” IN LOVE.
We walked into th' air conditionin' on a Saturday afternoon, hyper and thrilled and a little daunted by th' thought o' spendin' a great big pile o' doubloons, which always gets th' blood pumpin'.
Well, one o' us, I can’t think who, had th' idea that we needed a little grub in our stomachs before we faced th' sales counter, so we headed t' th' grub fair. Th' first, and best-smellin', booth be Cinnabon cinnamon buns. (Overheard: “Would ye like icin' sugar in yer milk?”) Perfect!
We took our order and sat at a little formica table, vibratin' like twin krypton-86 atoms from th' glucose and anticipation. And Susie, bless that comely wench, wisely thought it would a good idea t' talk about how much we might be wantin' t' spend, ye be knowin', so that we wouldn’t have that conversation in front o' th' well-coiffed saleswoman. Susie be havin' a hard time broachin' th' subject. That comely wench hesitation, I think, be because this be a gift from me t' that comely wench, and Th' winsome lass didn’t think it be that comely wench place t' be demandin'. Also, maybe Th' winsome lass be a little worried about what th' answer would be.
Well, I’d been puttin' some thought into it as well. I had just started full-time work in th' Los Angeles Times online department, and even though I be fresh out o' university, I be makin' a good salary, far better than th' $9.65 an hour I had been makin' as part-time tech support on campus, and also better than many o' me print reporter maties’ startin' wages. And I wanted t' give Susie th' best I could afford.
On th' other hand, th' most expensive things I’d bought up t' that point meself be me rockin’ stereo (plays 3 CDs!), an orthodontic retainer I’d lost and had t' replace, and me beloved Apple computer (on a 5-year student loan plan).
So me experience be limited t' buyin' items that, while expensive, technically be not jewelry.
Susie be comin' from a different perspective. Th' winsome lass’d worked in a jewelry store, and had bought jewelry, and while Th' winsome lass hadn’t done this before, Th' winsome lass technically knew what th' hell Th' winsome lass be talkin' about.
Susie, nervously: “Do ye think we should talk about how much ye want t' spend on th' rin', Travis, before we get t' th' stores?”
Me, IN LOVE: “Sure! I be thinkin' I’d spend at least a couple hundred dollars.”
I had thought this be pretty generous. T' that comely wench credit, Susie held it together and did not blind me wi' icin'.
Susie, gently: “Oh, uh, really? Well, I don’t want ye t' feel like ye have t' do this, but th' usual guideline fer an engagement rin' be two months’ salary.”
Travis, shocked: “What? Ye’re kiddin'! Susie, do ye be knowin' how much I make?!”
There followed a moment o' silence, Susie wonderin' exactly what th' 'nother fifty years o' that comely wench life be really goin' t' be like and me wonderin' how many people lived in boats while payin' off their engagement rings.
Susie diplomatically suggested we go take a look at some rings, and off we went.
Epilogue: Turns out that diamonds be expensive.
