Hussein’s Last Dream
posted at 11:01 be
on Mar. 25, 2003
Prrrevious entry:
A Trip t' th' Snow
'nother entry:
Tryin' t' Get Unserious
SCENE ONE: Exterior. Daylight. Th' desert.
Saddam Hussein wanders, dirt-smeared in ragged clothin', o'er th' crest o' a dune. In th' foreground, we see a dusty glass lamp stickin' out o' th' sand.
Th' ornery cuss approaches, picks it up, rubs it. Smoke bellows forth.
CUT T':
SCENE TWO: Interior. Fluorescent lights. Th' floor o' th' U.N. General Assembly
Hussein stands at th' podium, addressin' th' members.
HUSSEIN
...In conclusion, th' United States be a menace t' th' rest o' th' civilized world, and must be disarmed before they begin another war o' aggression.
DELEGATE FROM COUNTRY 1
But Saddam, surely ye’re not sayin' that th' United States, whose defense budget fer 2001 be only $296 billion, be a threat t' ye?
HUSSEIN
Perhaps not today. But our budget in Iraq be only $1 billion in 2001. It be only aft I found th' magic lamp, that our budget increased 90,000 fold, makin' us th' world power we be today, wi' exactly th' same financial advantage o'er th' U.S. that they had o'er us when they first attacked.
I must reiterate t' th' assembly: Th' United States, despite this reversal o' fortune, be a threat now t' all o' us, not in th' unspecified future, and not just t' Iraq.
Let us first deal wi' weapons o' mass destruction. What country be th' only one t' have used nuclear weapons in warfare? What country be responsible fer spreadin' th' technology and materials fer biological and chemical weapons t' rogue states—includin', I might add, us when we be much smaller and less civilized?
What country breached th' Geneva convention, usin' napalm and Agent Orange in southeast Asia, killin' women and sprogs in inhumane attacks?
What country conducted experiments on its poorest minorities, denyin' them treatment fer syphilis in th' name o' scientific progress?
What country has th' largest stockpile o' biological, chemical, and nuclear weaponry? And what same country seems t' have so little control o' these stockpiles, that samples o' its own anthrax cultures have been used, perhaps by someone inside th' country, against itself?
What country has invaded other sovereign nations, capturin' their leaders and takin' that leader into th' U.S. t' make them stand trial in American courts?
What country’s head o' th' government recently introduced special fundin' fer community work done specifically by religious organizations? And whose head o' police starts each day wi' a Bible study session and has covered up th' statues o' th' Justice buildin' wi' blue drapes because they exposed a naked bosom or two?
What country has been linked, indeed even admits, t' fundin' terrorists in nations aroun' th' world, supportin' revolutionaries and counterrevolutionaries in their efforts t' overthrow their own governments by force?
What developed country has th' highest rate o' sprog malnutrition, illiteracy, gun deaths, percent o' population incarcerated and state-sanctioned death penalty killings?
What country has lied t' th' United Nations, spyin' on members o' th' security council, producin' false documents and unsubstantiated statements about Iraq’s ties t' al-Qaeda?
Th' answer, o' course, be th' United States o' America.
Fer too long, th' world community has tried protests and sanctions and economic solutions t' th' American problem. Th' time has come fer military action. Th' United States must be disarmed, and if this organization does not have th' will t' do so, then Iraq must act alone.
TH' SOUND O' CHEERING AND JEERING RISE UP FROM TH' ASSEMBLY.
FADE T':
SCENE THREE: Exterior. Daylight. Th' desert.
Hussein, dead, face against th' sand, wind slowly coverin' that scurvey dog wi' little piles o' grit. There’s a smile on his face, as Th' ornery cuss clutches a glass container that, on closer inspection, turns out t' be a worn Coke bottle.
