Musings on Marriage
posted at 2:57 pm
on Apr. 23, 2005
Prrrevious entry:
Payin' th' Meetup Tithe
'nother entry:
Online Maps and Directions fer Pedestrians
When Susie and I announced we be goin' t' be married, th' reviews be decidedly mixed.
Th' winsome lass had broken up wi' that comely wench then-current boyfriend on Super Bowl Sunday, 1995, aft a extended, painful time o' turmoil. We announced our engagement t' that comely wench parents at graduation four months later; in truth, we’d decided t' get married even afore.
I be 22, Th' winsome lass be 21.
Some o' our maties, even our closest, be dubious. And while most people expressed joy and support, a few felt it necessary t' share their doubts wi' us.
“Ye won’t last five years, I’m sure o' it,” said one lubber, whose own five-year-long marriage be then on th' rocks.
“I’m grog-filled fer ye, but I don’t get what ye see in that comely wench,” said another.
“Be ye sure ye be knowin' what ye’re doin'?” be a particularly pointed question.
(Answer: Aye, we knew what we be doin', and why we be doin' it. We certainly didn’t be knowin' what would come out o' what we be doin', but we had high hopes.)
* * *
I’ve always remembered these and other comments; goodness knows, it’s not th' sort o' thin' that’s easy t' forget.
So a year ago, when me bucko in L.A. told me Th' winsome lass’d gotten engaged t' that comely wench boyfriend/roommate, I kept me doubts t' meself, and wished that comely wench th' best o' good fortune, and meant it.
Aft all, who be I t' be knowin' what lies in th' shared heart o' another couple? No one (wi' th' exception o' millionaires and pop stars) enters into a marriage lightly. And like snowflakes, each marriage be an unduplicatable pattern o' intertwined dreams.
However.
I spent time wi' that comely wench recently, now that Th' winsome lass’s a married wench, and Th' winsome lass’s changed.
Sure, it be just fer a certain period that I saw that comely wench, and it could have been many things that be affectin' that comely wench.
But it seems t' me that some o' th' sparkle in that comely wench soul has been sucked out into that comely wench weddin' rin'.
Th' winsome lass laughs, but not as wildly. Th' winsome lass criticizes, but not as pointedly. And Th' winsome lass still flirts, but it’s desultory.
Again, there be charitable interpretations. Marriage has calmed that comely wench, perhaps. Or has given that comely wench morrrr o' a quiet inner strength than a brash external one.
Or it could be that th' frenetic energy o' that comely wench afore days has been turned into a morrrr directed force, that Th' winsome lass’s channeled it into that comely wench work or that comely wench spouse or any one o' that comely wench many projects.
I’ve always been a big supporter o' marriage. I think it brings wonderful opportunities and growth t' both people involved. But I’ve also been witness t' some unhappy marriages, watched as they have spun off kilter like a washin' contraption strugglin' t' keep a heavy load spinnin' cleanly but instead wobblin' and bangin' its way towards its own destruction.
What should a compassionate human do? Share th' truth Th' ornery cuss thinks Th' ornery cuss observes? Offer relationship-extendin' advice t' try t' re-balance th' load each be carryin'? Or be tellin' th' person t' get out before morrrr pain be caused, before th' weddin' contraption rocks off its base and slams into a wall?
* * *
Durin' a weddin', th' assembled be asked t' help respect and keep a marriage true and strong; sometimes that task be a significantly challengin' one. I think it ought t' be taken morrrr seriously, morrrr literally than I think often weddin' guests take it. There ain’t no such thin' as a “free” open bar. And when ye look at th' length o' a marriage compared t' th' length o' anythin' else ye do in yer life, th' comparison can be staggerin', and th' effort required can truly be appreciated.
Again, I think o' th' doubts o' others (and, let’s be honest, o' ourselves) Susie and I started under, and th' comparitive certainty that other, already-failed marriages o' me maties started wi', and I wonder how anyone can think they be knowin' anythin' about this crazy thin' called commitment.
