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My First Time Ever

posted at 9:07 am
on Jan. 4, 2008

Comments: 5 so far



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I went to Calgary recently to visit my Mom and sister Nicole (and sister Virginia, but she buggered off the the U.S. Virgin Islands, which turns out is a complete misnomer because she didn’t see a single one, and she didn’t return until the New Year’s Eve party).

I forgot my electric razor, which shaves as close as a blade or my money back.  Which is a bummer because you don’t just run to the store and get one of those.  What you do buy is a disposable razor.

Which is kind of interesting because, in fact, though I’m 33—wait, no, 35—I have never before in my life ever shaved with a bladed razor.

Not once.

Truth of the matter is, I had a friend in high school named Thijs Spoor.  He went in for some sort of minor surgery to his calf, and the nurse there looked at his tall self and general manly nature and thought that the boy knew how to shave, so she gave him a disposable razor and told him to shave the spot on his leg they were going to surgerize.

Well, Thijs said, “Shure, fine lady nurse, of course, I can shave myself,” and proceeded to basically start the operation prematurely.  Nurse came back in, blood everywhere, etc. etc. and since then I basically had a fear of using a razor.

Not a phobia mind you.  I’m not a-feared of knives, and I’ve twice had a straight edge razor shave at a barber—which feels nice and is kind of a treat.  No, it was just my shaving myself that had never happened.

But this time, with a New Year’s Party in the wings, and my scruff looking particularly shaggy, it was time to take the plunge.

And you know what?  It’s remarkably easy.  For some miracle reason, with a little shaving cream, hairs come right off, and skin stays mostly intact.  My face felt less abused after than it does with the electric razor.  It took longer, though, like, a lot longer, and it did end up with bits of hair and foam and gross all over the sink, which was a lot harder to clean up.

I know, I know, you already know all this.  It’s like me describing this amazing fruit to you that you just HAVE to try, and it’s all yellow and long and the fruit is on the INSIDE and then you throw away the outside, which I hear is call a peel, which is totally wrong, because it’s not appealing at all… and you’ve had a banana before, so you’re not impressed.

But let me just tell you this—if a single bladed razor can give me such a good shave, I bet a razor with TWO blades would do an even better job, in half the time!



Previous entry:
Dexter, You’re so Sinister!

Next entry:
George Came to Visit


“The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil.”

...who said it?

“Almost every American I know does trade large portions of his life for entertainment, hour by weeknight hour, binge by Saturday binge, Facebook check by Facebook check. I’m one of them. In the course of writing this I’ve watched all 13 episodes of House of Cards and who knows how many more West Wing episodes, and I’ve spent any number of blurred hours falling down internet rabbit holes. All instead of reading, or writing, or working, or spending real time with people I love.”

...who said it?

“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”

...who said it?

“I play with variables constantly.”

...who said it?

“Only the person who has learned Continual Love coming from a heart of Gratitude/Worship can effectively deal with the problem of loneliness.”

...who said it?




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