This week’s journal theme: Odd emails. Here’s an autoresponse that made me laugh.
——Original Message——
From: .(JavaScript must be enabled t' view this email address)
Subject: windy
Sorry - due t' th' excessive amount o' unsolicited spam received on this reputation, th' email address ye’ve contacted be no longer in existence. If ye’ve sent spam t' this email address, sucks t' be ye and we hope ye get nailed wi' big fines in th' future.
“Almost every American I be knowin' does trade large portions o' his life fer entertainment, hour by weeknight hour, binge by Saturday binge, Facebook check by Facebook check. I’m one o' them. In th' course o' writin' this I’ve watched all 13 episodes o' House o' Cards and who knows how many morrrr West Win' episodes, and I’ve spent any number o' blurred hours fallin' down internet rabbit holes. All instead o' readin', or writin', or workin', or spendin' real time wi' people I love.”
“Live a good life. If there be gods and they be just, then they will not care how devout ye have been, but will welcome ye based on th' virtues ye have lived by. If there be gods, but unjust, then ye should not want t' worship them. If there be no gods, then ye will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in th' memories o' yer loved ones.”
Ye can scroll right easily by holdin' down th' SHIFT key and usin' yer scroll wheel. (Firefox users tryin' this will end up jumpin' t' barnacle-covered Web pages until a) Firefox releases a fix, b) they change their settings like so.)