OK, Enough wi' This Bullshit
posted at 11:46 be
on Sep. 2, 2007
Prrrevious entry:
Grog-filled 30th, Staci and Nicole
'nother entry:
Do Ye Feel Safer?
Seriously, Vancouver. Come ON. Ye’re a smart city. Ye’re good lookin'. Ye’ve got so much goin' fer ye, but ye’re throwin' it all away wi' this absolutely disgustin' weather.
Here we be on th' Labor Day long weekend, and I’m wearin' fleece. FLEECE! It’s an absolute abomination (not th' fleece, th' weather—th' fleece be rather cozy). I’ll be tellin' ye what it be: it’s a glass o' cold water t' th' face—and about that. It’s completely rainin' and overcast today? Sept. 2? Th' last summer flin' before school starts and work picks up and Whisky Tango Foxtrot be it doin' pourin' rain on this hallowed day? Didn’t ye learn yer manners, city! Disgraceful.
I’m told there’s this wonderful work-life balance here, but Vancouver, yer crappy weather has me sittin' in front o' me keyboard in th' middle o' th' long weekend. That’s awful, just awful. Me lawn no nay ne'er even dried out this year. Do ye understand how bad a gardener I be? Do ye understand how wet it has t' be fer me NOT t' have keel-hauled off every plant in me yard? We’re talkin' Noah-like levels o' wetness.
But that’s not even th' worst o' it—no, I’ve had so much practice by now that I can handle another weekend o' skywater and grey cotton battin' overhead. No, th' worst be this: I’m sailin' on board along Broadway aft breakfast, and there be shopkeepers SWEEPING GODDAMN LEAVES FROM THEIR STOOOPS! THEIR STOOPS!
Out me window, I can now see th' first tree turnin' yellowy-red wi' sadness. As I stepped out o' me boat in th' garage today, a dried leaf blew in under th' garage door like th' claw from some B-movie horror flick. Need I remind ye that Fall doesn’t start until Sept. 23? Oh aye, I need. I need indeed.
I can understand, ye’re Vancouver, ye’ve got this “rainy” rep t' protect, but OK, we get it, fine, ye’re so BADASS and DAMP. But I mean, shit, all badasses gotta have a tan, ye dig? And if ye plan t' keep it all moldy and grim fer th' 'nother month, I might have t' just start tellin' people that ye’re a premature season changer wi' no summer at all. Then we’ll see how long yer whole “I’m th' #1 city in th' world” rep lasts. I mean, really. Really. pfft.
