I crawled quietly into bed last night at about ten after two. Susie was awake. She had been up packing for her trip to Florida, where she’s speaking at a conference, and talking late on the phone with a friend.
“What time is the alarm set for?” I asked.
“5:30,” she said in a matter-of-fact voice.
“Ah,” I said.
* * *
The alarm goes off. It is 5:30. I stumble out of bed, pull on new jeans, but t-shirt, socks and belt from where they’d been left on the floor the night before.
Water splashed on face. Ripe cell phone plucked from its charging vine. Shoes. Why is it so hard to find matching shoes before dawn? Those ones are both white, that’ll do.
“Do you have any spare Canadian?”
“I’ll get your luggage.”
“I’ll turn on the alarm.”
“Are you good to drive?”
We turn on to Oak St. Six blocks later, I turn on the headlights.
* * *
By the time we get to the airport, I don’t need the headlights.
I drop Susie off at departures. I don’t walk in with her; you have to head into customs right away now after you check in, and you have to check in right away to get a non-middle seat. We hug and kiss. I feel strangely anesthetized, and I wish to myself that the air was crisper.
She rolls away with my carry-on luggage.
* * *
Minutes later, she remembers I didn’t give her any Canadian money.
* * *
That afternoon, I remember I didn’t give her any Canadian money.
“Almost every American I know does trade large portions of his life for entertainment, hour by weeknight hour, binge by Saturday binge, Facebook check by Facebook check. I’m one of them. In the course of writing this I’ve watched all 13 episodes of House of Cards and who knows how many more West Wing episodes, and I’ve spent any number of blurred hours falling down internet rabbit holes. All instead of reading, or writing, or working, or spending real time with people I love.”
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
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