“I’ve come to realize that I actually have many hobbies, including Drinking Too Much Coffee (not for the amateur!), Searching for Someone to Praise Me (can sometimes take up the entire day), Staring Slack-Jawed Into Space While Thinking About That Girl in Sixth Grade (why doesn’t she show up on Google?) and, finally, the classic male pastime, Falling Asleep While Watching ESPN ‘SportsCenter.’ “
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